Haute Hypocrisy

Of course, we all know that Kate Moss has been caught doing drugs (cocaine, to be exact). She is being fired from many of her high-profile (not to mention high-paying) modeling contracts. While I sympathize with uptight advertising execs who want to send a clear "we-do-not-tolerate-drug-use" message, I have to question the deeper motives of the fashion industry in general. This is blatant hypocrisy! The world of high fashion design and merchandising has probably never been a haven of justice and/or sweet reason (two words: eating disorder), but there has been a certain attitude of tolerance, and "dirty laundry" has usually been kept within the community. Why is Kate Moss taking a fall?

First, Moss herself has now admitted that she was really doing drugs, so she is not a victim of slander. Furthermore, Moss has a known history of drug and alcohol abuse, and has been considered by many to be a public (pretty) face of a sort of swinging, hard-drinking London lifestyle; she was representative of "heroin chic" in the 1990s. Up till now, however, she has been tolerated. This time, has she taken one hit too many? Is the industry primed for a change back to truly healthier imagery (now, this I'd like to see)? Why is the industry as a whole (plus other media) turning on her? Kate has been a glamorous and edgy representative for numerous lucrative campaigns; the more controversial she was, the more valuable she became. So, the only answer that makes sense to me is that others are using her problems as a shield, trying to deflect attention from the many other people who abuse drugs. Seriously, if designers and marketers fired everyone in the industry who does drugs, there would be hardly anyone left! Many models are notorious partiers and drinkers, and even supermodel Naomi Campbell has been open about her struggles with drugs; designers have been known to use drugs (D. Versace, who famously went into rehab, is an example). Instead of firing everyone, the powers that be are firing Kate Moss as a warning to everyone else.

I don't approve of drug abuse, but I have always felt a little sorry for Kate Moss. How many real friends does she have?

Yay! Blogger's photo function works today! It was really frustrating last night, when it wouldn't work.

Here is a nice picture from our time at Disneyland last Sunday. This is Amanda and I on the Storybook Land Boat Ride. Even though it's cheesy, I love the Storybook Land Boat Ride!

I'd like to pay a little tribute to Amanda Winter. When I first met her, I wasn't sure how we'd get along. She seemed nice enough, but we didn't have a lot in common (difference in age, interests, etc.). Plus, we had a certain amount of "baggage" and social awkwardness to overcome: Jeff's former girlfriend is Amanda's best friend from college; Ben's former girlfriend was one of my best friends from college. Naturally, I wondered if Amanda would have it in her heart to befriend and accept me, especially after the way some of Jeff's other "friends" behaved toward me. After our respective weddings, we started hanging out, and it was such a blessing to discover that not only did Amanda accept me, but she has revealed herself to be one of the funnest, funniest, brightest, most gracious and classy ladies that I know.

I wrote a post, and Blogger deleted it.

Here is a different post.

Last Sunday, Jeff and I went to Disneyland with the Winters. It was the annual outing for Jeff and Ben's division at NGC, so those who didn't have annual passes got tickets, and everyone got varied amounts of meal vouchers.

I took my camera and had a good time.

Sadly, Blogger won't let me add pictures right now.

You should see Meet Me in St. Louis

I’m not certain that I like the place my life has taken me. Or rather, I'm certain I don't like it. My daily routine generally consists of waking up, muddling through getting ready, coming in to work later than I should, pretending to myself and everyone that I wasn’t late, muddling my way through 8 hours of work while listening to punk music (easy to do when you’re just doing config management), driving home while wondering at the inability of the general populace to handle an automobile with any sense of safety or decency, settling on the couch to read or watch something, or settling onto Jeff’s lap, if he is already home, and then we discuss dinner and figure out whether to watch Simpsons or Futurama, after which we do stuff like cleaning, schoolwork (now that we’re both in class again), paperwork, or spending time with people. My life isn’t evil, or a pit of despair, but it’s discouraging. Jeff and I are both tired, fed up with our jobs, stressed out regarding finances, the house construction schedule changes, friends’ problems, etc. The things that are important to me, and even the little things that used to make me happy, are put on hold because there is no time for them. Plenty of people annoy me, because by and large, they’re stupid; my tongue is in pain because I have to bite it so often. I’ve been running at full speed for ten years now, and I’m tired of it, but there seems to be no escape.

I wish I could just stay home, away from people, for months at a time, doing something I like that pays decent money. I’d let friends and family in on occasion, of course, but you’d have to (and probably want to) leave when I got cranky.
Potential jobs:
Science writer—Get paid to interpret the brilliant findings of people who have worse people skills than even I do. Yes!
Musician and composer—I’d be the kind that always wears black and lurks in coffee houses, “suffering” for her “art”. I’m already experimenting with piercings and hair dye, so it may just be a matter of time.
Fiction writer—I don’t talk about it much, but I still have as much imagination as I had when I was 10 years old, while possessing a lot more life experience. Heheh.
Non-fiction writer—Lots of people need to be set straight on a lot of things. Theology, science, culture, history, politics, you name it. They should pay me to do it for them.
E-business or other digital professional—The people-avoidance career of choice for INTJs. I can do web development from my home, right? If only I knew how.
Advice giver—You know, like Abby or Ann Landers. I’d be a straight shooter, and I could get paid for telling people off. “Dear Frustrated in Fresno, Your life is a mess because you are stupid and worthless. Stop blaming your hard-working parents whose only fault was failing to discipline you as much as you deserved. If you want respect, you have to earn it. While you’re processing that, you can mow my lawn for $5.” I’d do it all by e-mail, so as to avoid interfacing with any real people.
Reviewer of classic movies—Too bad Leonard Maltin already did this. Let me know if you’d buy a book on old movies that I write. It may be worth a shot. 100 Classic Films Everyone Should See, Because I Say So. You know you’d want to read it.

Thoughts? Jeff says I can start my own business and stuff, but I can’t do it fulltime yet, since I need to be sure to earn money. Money is so tiresome! Words of wisdom from Meet Me in St. Louis:
Rose Smith: Money. I hate, loathe, despise and abominate money.
Mr. Alonzo Smith: You also spend it.

Fun notes on history

It pays to brush up on your history! I’ve discovered that fifty years ago today, Juan Peron (best known to today’s generation as Madonna’s husband, cf Evita) was deposed by a military coup. Though significant, it was not a decisive defeat, as Peron later returned to a beleaguered Argentina and was re-elected president in 1973.
http://www.historychannel.com/tdih/tdih.jsp?category=leadstory

More flurries

First of all, I must admit that I am on a serious ice cream bar kick. I crave them. So I picked some up on my way to see Sara and Elizabeth this evening. Mmm.

Second of all, that brings me to my next point: I really love spending time with Sara and Elizabeth. We have been best friends for years: Sara and I since junior high, and Elizabeth since college. We all had families that lived near the Portland area of Oregon, so we'd visit each other during summer and interterm breaks. We became roommates some time after graduating, and began a tradition known as Roommate Night, that has continued even after we stopped living together. Every Thursday night (although the night of the week has varied, according to our schedules), we congregate at one of our apartments. We've been working our way through Romans for the better part of the year; it's taken us a long time because we often opt to do something else with our evening, e.g. do crafts like soapmaking or watch a movie. This past year, I've sort of taken Roommate Night for granted. Now, however, I'm realizing how much it is a part of my life, and how much I'll miss it when I move up north.

The thing about my friendship with Elizabeth and Sara is that we are pretty much like sisters. It's about more than just living together and having extensive history. We have gut-level friendship. We can look at each other, and know what the other is thinking. We have inside jokes that don't even need to be verbalized. We can be blunt with one another, and disagree about things, and not worry that it will mar our relationships, because we're beyond that. If you, dear reader, have a sibling, you might understand how it works-- you may fight with a brother or sister, but deep down, you're rock-solid, because your love for one another is not a feeling, it's part of who you are. The roommates-- we're not perfect, and can still hurt one another, but I think our love for one another is a little bit like heaven, except that heaven will be minus the sin.

Furthermore, the three of us are so different. We have different gifts, different hobbies, different futures. Elizabeth is likely to remain in So Cal; I'm moving to the Central Valley; Sara does not even know where she will eventually live, for she will be moving to an as-yet-undetermined but undoubtedly remote area to do Bible translation with Wycliffe. Sara and I are techies, of a sort; Elizabeth works in a people-related job. Sara and Elizabeth like Christian pop music, Christian romance novels, and "chick flicks"; I find them abhorrent. Sara and I enjoy classic black-and-white films; Elizabeth does not care for them. Elizabeth (ENFJ) is a warm-hearted romantic; Sara (ESTJ) is blunt and practical; I (INTJ) am introspective and analytical. But somehow, we make a good mix. I appreciate them not only for themselves, but because they help me to change and become better.

We had a great Bible study tonight. Elizabeth said something profound: "Until we see ourselves as GOD sees us, and see Him as He knows Himself to be, we will be unable to relate to GOD properly. We will be unfulfilled." Sara offered practical examples from her Church and Society class. I commented on the relationship between a sin action and the appropriate (shame) and inappropriate (guilt) reactions, and their role in society. We ate ice cream bars. After Elizabeth left to run an errand, Sara and I had a good long talk about struggles, culture, and other things. Sara is a great sounding board because she is a good listener who gives truly honest feedback, and she is willing to take the time to understand me, because she's known me for so long and has had lots of practice. This, however, should not be construed as indicating that Elizabeth is not a good sounding board. =)

I love my friends!

Flurry

How can I be working and blogging* at the same time? Thanks to the modern wonders of data mining, I am writing while my computer processes data. I’m sitting at work, running through data and listening to my music. The data work is dull, but must be done. It keeps my fingers occasionally busy, but my mind fairly empty. That leads to thinking and introspection, which can only lead to badness.

Yep, it led to badness. Also, I think I did some of my data processing incorrectly (miscounted some factors). All I have to say is “Oh, nutty fudgekins!”

Murray just came in and talked to Kent about a really cool project for diagramming and displaying the function of the optical sub-system in the gyrocompass assembly. Something useful and instructive. That is what I would rather be doing, instead of this stupid, boring task that I’m on right now. I know that sub-system better than almost anyone else on the planet. I’m a freaking photo-system goddess! Utilize me!

I just remembered that Mom told me yesterday that Mike is going to be here this weekend, and I would like to see him, so that’s something else I need to do by the end of the week.

*I am admiring the way that an abbreviated noun became a verb. Weblog (n. log or journal on the web) --> blog (n. ugly but serviceable word meaning weblog) --> blog (v. to write and post on said weblog). These bloggily (adv. done according blog fashion) blogged blogs now form a virtual layer of the world, referred to as the “blogosphere”. It sounds like it could have a Greek root word:
blogw**: I write my seemingly deep thoughts on a piece of parchment and post them in the agora for all the polis to read.
In a similar way, BUBBS went from being an acronym (n. Biola University Bulletin Board System) to a verb (v. to communicate via said BBS, a la “BUBBS me,” indicating “e-mail me via BUBBS”) to a virtual campus (even more so, now that the layout was changed to reflect the actual Biola campus). Freaky.
**Why does Blogger have a Webdings font (what the heck is that, anyway?), but NOT a Greek font? Have they no consideration for the vast multitude of classical scholars who are blog-happy and active on the WWW? Grrr. Pretend for now that "blogw" is written in Greek letters. I'll try to find a way to fix it later.

This is the second morning in a row that I have awakened with a headache. Ick. Must be tension or something. It's really impeding my ability to be productive.

I'm doing all right on my to-do list. Last night, I did several loads of laundry, watched and deleted one movie, signed some paperwork, and updated my resume. Now to send it off to dozens of places, hoping one of them will take notice. In addition to resumes and cover letters, people should be allowed to include little "Why you should hire me" questionnaires, with explanations of how their skills specifically map to the job in question.

Jeff and I watched Rome: Engineering an Empire last night. It was a pretty good documentary, detailing (obviously) engineering (mostly architecture) in the Roman Empire. It made me wish we had HBO, so that I could watch the TV series that they've produced on Rome. However, I can just wait till they release the DVDs and maybe get them via Netflix or rent them at a video store. But back to the original point: I like engineering and I like ancient/classical history, so this was a very fun film to see. If you are like me, try to watch it! It will probably air again soon on the History channel.

Forever To-Do

It's too difficult to break up tasks by the day, so I'm going to put up a list for the week. This way, if I don't accomplish stuff, everyone on the internet will know what a loser I am! But this week I plan to accomplish:

Housing loan paperwork
Clean the kitchen, including the refrigerator (facing down my fears of the new life forms that are undoubtedly lurking in some of the ancient styrofoam containers in the back)
Wash, dry, fold, and put away laundry, including bed linens
Complete three lessons on the Ancient Church: lectures, reading, and questions
Schedule a meeting with J. Mosbarger

Take care of BMG music stuff
Watch and delete at least two of my movies from the DVR
Exercise
Practice flute and piano
Update my resume
Apply to lots and lots of jobs in the Central Valley
Make plans to get together with at least three friends that I haven't seen for a while
Play some X-box with Jeff
Spend time with Jeff minus the X-box
See my beloved Sara and Elizabeth for Roommate Night (for which I must also do the next chapter of our Bible study)
Maybe see Christina and Laurel
Write to Debbie and some other friends
Make goodies to take to the Friday morning Birthday Brunch at work
Complete summary tables, timelines, and organization for Cheryl's task (at least I get paid to do this...)
Watch Sci Fi Friday
Go to church on Sunday
Eat, sleep, and attend to personal hygiene (I admit it-- I like to put some pretty obvious stuff on my to-do lists, so I can be sure of checking off at least one or two things.)

I'm moving into high-speed over-achiever project director mode. I hope it last at least through November.

Copperheads!

As anyone who has lived in the North American "midwest" knows, the copperhead is a dangerous poisonous snake.

There is now another dangerous copperhead: Deb! Yes, in a spirit of adventure, and aided and abetted by my dear friend Laurel, I now possess hair that is the color of a shiny new penny. Believe it or not, my intent was to have more of a rich brown color (after all my years of brunette envy), but it turned out red, due to the fact that my pale blonde hair was not a dark enough base to get the Rich Cider Brown (as advertised on the box).

Before:

After:

Realtime online checklist

Accomplishments so far:

Friday
Breakfast with Christina-- done
Work all day-- done (close enough)
Deposit Jeff's check--done
Practice flute
Watch Sci Fi Friday with Jeff
Wash, dry, and fold laundry
Select CDs from online music service--begun
Saturday
Set up study schedule
E-mail J. Mosbarger
Exercise
Clean kitchen, including refrigerator
Possibly see Josh and Laurel
Call Mom
Watch an old movie
Sunday
Go to church
Begin school work
Practice flute and piano
Spend at least two hours working on creative projects
Possibly see Josh and Laurel

I need a job! Give me a job!

Searching for employment in the Visalia area is something that weighs heavily upon my mind right now, as we have just several weeks left before we move. If anyone reading this blog is located in the Central Valley and knows of a job opening for a brilliant and hardworking scientist, please let me know. I'm going to apply for several more jobs tonight.

Another priority: My last Talbot class, the Ancient Church. I need to get working on that. I wish motivation was as easily obtained as chocolate, and equally as satisfying. I am totally into the ancient world, theology, and all that stuff, so you'd think I'd be eager to start the class, but I'd rather be in summer mode: watching Simpsons, Futurama, and Family Guy, and surfing the internet.

Thoughts on perspective: I went to the doctor on Tuesday, and got the usual physical check-up thingie. I forgot to ask the nurse what my blood pressure is, but I did note my weight when she measured that. Later that day, I spent a little time with Laurel, and told her that I had just had my weight confirmed at xxx lbs. She put up her hand to give me a high five, and then realized that I was just sort of staring at her. "That's not good?," she asked. "Well," I replied, "it's neither good nor bad, but I'm just not used to being this heavy. My inner ballerina thinks I should be 20 lbs slimmer, but my husband prefers me this way. Which will win out?" One person's elephant is another person's ideal, I guess.

Thoughts on theology: I went to Taco Bell with Doug (aka Patton) at lunch today. We talked about some theological issues. He is a Christian, hailing from a quite small and very specific denomination. I don't necessarily have disagreement with his doctrine, but I question some of the practices. They request that members joining their church be baptized, whether or not they have already been baptized in the faith. I ascribe to the idea of One Lord, One Faith, One Baptism, so as long as people are truly Christian, I see no reason to undergo a second baptism (and certainly some reasons not to). They do not consider baptism to be regenerative, though, according to Doug.

The world of roommates: I had roommate night with just Sara tonight, as Elizabeth was still flying down from visiting her family in Portland. We intentionally kept it low-key, and watched Cold Comfort Farm. Very interesting. Charming. Not quite what I'd expected.

My sisi always posts her schedules and to-do lists online, so I'm going to try it:
Friday
Breakfast with Christina
Work all day
Deposit check

Practice flute
Watch Sci Fi Friday with Jeff
Wash, dry, and fold laundry
Select CDs from online music service
Saturday
Set up study schedule
E-mail J. Mosbarger

Exercise
Clean kitchen, including refrigerator
Possibly see Josh and Laurel
Call Mom
Watch an old movie
Sunday
Go to church
Begin school work
Practice flute and piano
Spend at least two hours working on creative projects
Possibly see Josh and Laurel

Gifts of the spirit

More on the topic, mostly because I didn't want to ramble so much in the comments.

Well, my reflection on spiritual gifting was prompted by a re-evaluation of my own gifts. As with the rest of my life, my spiritual gifts seem to be numerous but none of them are very strong or impressive. I'm a little bit gifted at a lot of stuff, but not extremely gifted at anything.

I have always thought that my gift of teaching was my strongest spiritual gift, and that tied in nicely with my natural gift of teaching in non-spiritual areas (I've been told that I should be a teacher since I was in high school). I also have gifts of wisdom, knowledge, shepherding, and discernment of spirits. However, I am starting to think that I have the gift of prophecy, as well. No, no, that doesn't mean I can foretell the future (unless God chooses to use me so at some point), but rather, I speak Truth to people, even when they don't want to hear it; come to think of it, especially when they don't want to hear it. This does not make for a very popular gift.

It has often happened that I will give advice to people, even being very specific about circumstances and likely consequences, and people will blow me off. It is so annoying! I have been trying to bring attention to a certain problem for a few years, and after these few years of constantly saying, "This situation is bad, and will lead to this, this, and this," the leader of the group has said to me, "We've consistently noticed this problem..." So that is good, but I have to wonder, WHY? Why won't people listen to me the first time? Do I seem ignorant? Do I give off the impression that I don't know what I'm talking about? So much trouble in the world could be saved, if people would just listen to me. It's not even that I want anything from being accepted as right, except to keep people from making mistakes, whether mild or serious. I just want to help people.

So while I will not reject what the LORD gives, I'd sort of prefer to not have the gift of prophecy. Is that wrong of me? It leads to frustration. I'd be perfectly happy to have the gift of mercy or helps or faith or pretty much anything else.

People wondering about their spiritual gifts can take some online assessments, although they probably provide estimates rather than absolute knowledge; I'm sure only the Spirit can confirm to you what your gifts really are. Also, different people have different views on the battery of spiritual gifts. However, there are generally consistent lists, drawn from the Bible. Check into spiritual gift-related resources at your local church, too. Here are a few online tests:
http://www.elca.org/evangelism/assessments/spiritgifts.html
http://buildingchurch.net/g2s-i.htm
http://mintools.com/gifts.htm

Too much to do.
Unfocused.
Working hard and harder, but probably not smarter.
Unmotivated.
SOMEbody has to do all the tedious tasks that must be done. But why does that somebody have to be me?
Tired, tired, tired.
Stressed, stressed, stressed.

So, in the interest of self-distraction, I'm providing a Spiritual Gifts Poll:
1. What is/are your primary spiritual gift(s)? Secondary (if any)?
2. How did you discover it/them?
3. Do other people recognize these gifts in you? Do they urge you to use them in service to God and His Kingdom?
4. How do your gifts impact you, yourself? What do you appreciate about them? Do you wish you had different gifts?
5. Do you think gifts can change, over the years? How do you think they relate to personalities and non-spiritual gifts and abilities?

I have a practical reason for wondering, of course, but I also think it is an interesting topic. Please reply!